Latest "fun" Posts

My WOW Woman Momma and Hurricane Irma

I am watching Hurricane Irma and could not resist sharing this story about my funny and WOW mother (Woman of Wisdom).

 

My new book, “Rhinetones on my Flip-Flops” to be released on 9/26 is loaded with some of my favorite Southern tales so here is a memory to make you chuckle. Only in the South…

My WOW Woman Momma and Hurricane Irma

Momma was in the Intensive Care Unit recovering from heart surgery. We were only allowed to visit every two hours; I was always anxious to see her every morning. Momma’s doctor, Dr. Schweiger was making his rounds. My sister and I talked him into delivering a container of green peas and whipped potatoes—Momma’s favorite. Bless his heart, he was not thrilled walking into ICU carrying momma’s “breakfast.”

We had already made history at Roper Hospital. Momma missed her hair appointment—the first time in 48 years. You see it was Wednesday.

Posted in family, fun, funny, humor, Hurricanes, Southern Humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Thanksgiving Kid Table…Do You Miss it, Too?

We did not know how lucky we were to sit at the Kid Table...

 We did not know how lucky we were sitting at the “kid table” for the Thanksgiving meal. There was no one to tell you what to eat or how to eat. You could help yourself to a mountain of mac and cheese. You were free to lob a roll across the table or catapult green beans with your spoon.

Cholesterol? No one knew what it was. My speaker friend Charles Petty said, “If we had had cholesterol when I was a child, Momma would have probably fried it.”

No manners were required. You could laugh-out-loud at that crazy cousin until your beverage escaped through your nose.

The adult table had china; the kids had Chinet. Their plates were carefully handled. The kids’ plates were Frisbees before and after the meal. The adult table was decorated with precious heirloom flatware; the kid table had plastic utensils and solo cups. Our napkins were paper towels; perfect for food fights.

Posted in family, fun, Holidays by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Southern Traditions: No White Shoes after Labor Day

The day after Labor Day is secretly celebrated as finding out who is one of our kind. A true Southern woman only has to glance down and have her curiosity and heritage satisfied. It is a private club with no meetings and only one activity. The dues, however are enormous. It is one of our many Southern traditions; no white shoes after Labor Day.The Sunday after Labor Day, Caroline ran down the stairs on her way to church.  I stared at her feet in disbelief.  “Caroline!” I exclaimed.  “Your shoes! ”  The tone in my voice was as dramatic as if a robber had broken into the house. “Oh, Mama!  I forgot.”  She ran upstairs and reappeared wearing a darker, more appropriate color.  To my relief, the child understood the importance of this unspoken rule.   “Oh.” I reflected.  “I have done a wonderful job raising a true Southerner belle.  She did not protest, fuss or whine…..she protected herself from scandal and preserved our family honor.  It is one of our many Southern traditions;  no white shoes after Labor Day.

The day after Labor Day is secretly celebrated as finding out who is one of our kind.  A true Southern woman only has to glance down and have her curiosity and heritage satisfied. It is a private club with no meetings and only one activity.  The dues, however are enormous.

Posted in attitude, family, fun, funny, laughter, mother, Uncategorized, women by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Life Lessons from the Rat at Disney World

It was truly a magical moment. With days of happy faces, Mickey Mouse treats, and children topped with hats resembling Disney characters, we saw a rat. We were standing in the middle of Epcot's Italy when all of a sudden a rat  made a surprise appearance.  I was reminded of some timeless  life lessons from the rat at Disney World.

It was truly a magical moment. With days of happy faces, Mickey Mouse treats, and children topped with hats resembling Disney characters, we saw a rat. We were standing in the middle of Epcot’s Italy when all of a sudden a rat  made a surprise appearance.  I was reminded of some timeless  life lessons from the rat at Disney World.

We had just left Alice in Wonderland and were approaching Mary Poppins. We were all captivated with memories of our childhood icons.  Thomas must have starred at Mary Poppins for five minutes.  I told him he looked like a stalker.  He said, “I was trying to figure out why she doesn’t sweat.” Even with his left brain thinking, Thomas, like the rest of us, was in a magical mode.

Posted in attitude, change, determination, Disney World, faith, fun, funny, humor, laughter, leadership, life lessons, memories, Mickey Mouse, motivation, relationships, stress by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Don’t Smoke Weed in a Beauty Pageant

 

A crown with SMILE

I was a contestant in the Miss Coastal Carolina Fair pageant. Another fellow contestant was so nervous; she told me that she had smoked some pot to try to relax.  I knew something was wrong; she acted more like a Space Queen instead of contestant for the Fair Queen. Ironically, she was contestant number 13 and for talent she sang the classic country song, “I Fall to Pieces.” Just a friendly piece of advice; don’t smoke weed in a beauty pageant.

With all that against her she need more help. Smoking a joint only made her act bizarre.We both made it to the top ten and had to answer an on-stage question. Backstage she asked, “Do you think they will ask us about current events?  I know nothing except my daddy  told me that meat prices are high. He works at the Piggly Wiggly in the meat department.  That somehow got stuck in her pot head.

Posted in family, fun, pageants, Uncategorized, women by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Beauty Queen Bra Pads and Breast Implants

I learned to laugh at myself after the Miss America when I lost my floating friends swimming in the pool on my Honeymoon! I love those beauty queen pads!Enjoy my attached  funny YouTube video, too!

I guess you are wondering how I made it all the way to The Miss America Pageant. I am not exactly 26-23-36.  But there are these lovely little helpers that can give you the hour glass figure needed to compete. You can fake it at Miss America but not to be confused with Miss USA.  They actually have designated personnel that “check” your swimsuit and evening gown to make sure it is all you.  Most men would pay to have that job. Yes, many have to use beauty queen pads and breast implants.

However, there should be a warning attached to wearing such enhancers.  DO NOT JUMP INTO A SWIMMING POOL OR JUMP OFF A DIVING BOARD WHILE USING.  THIS CAN CAUSE EMBARRASSMENT.  This is first hand info, believe me.

Posted in fun, funny, laughter, memories, Miss America, Miss South Carolina, Uncategorized by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

My Mary Kay Party From Hell

“The best way to beat the Mary Kay blues is to book a party!!!!” These were the words from my Consultant/Sponsor. So I did. Yes, and it was the Mary Kay Party from Hell.

I looked at the address and knew I was traveling to a bad part of town. But still I proceeded. I told the hostess to have the party in a cool room and serve refreshments to the guests.  When I arrived, I knew we were in trouble.  The “party” was in a room filled with every appliance known to man.  It was like being in a sauna.  And those refreshments?  I thought they were chocolate chip cookies until I noticed that the chips had wings.  All I could think of was my Grandmother McElveen repeating the sentence, “Every time a fly lands, it has a baby.”

Posted in attitude, fun, funny, Women's Health by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Billy’s Funeral Home- Miss America Pageant Memories

I trained for pageant competition at Billy's Funeral Home.In the “minor league” pageants there are normally 4 categories on the judges’ ballots: poise, smile, projection, and overall appearance.  It does not take a genius to figure out that poise is smile, projection and overall appearance.  In fact, poise is everything.  I learn how to perfect my beauty queen walk and talk at Billy’s Funeral Home.  Billy helped me walk all the way to the major league of  pageantry,  the Miss America Pageant.

I heard that Billy’s  technique was the best in the South and to perfect took years of practice and discipline.  I heard that he had so many winners he lost count.  His accolades included the likes of “Miss Universe” to “Little Miss Saturday Afternoon at The Mall”.

Posted in America, attitude, beauty queens, fun, funny, humor, memories, Miss America, Miss South Carolina, pageants, Southern by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Remembering “Miss” Shellie’s” Gifts and her Christian Love

Remembering Miss Shellie's GiftMy Harmony church family always hosts bridal showers for our members.  One Sunday afternoon before one of our bridal celebrations, my mind drifted back to the Harmony UMC ladies of yester-year and one dear soul in particular, “Miss” Shellie Matheny.  I love remembering Miss Shellie’s gifts since her present not the most expensive but always the highlight of the church shower. No doubt Miss Shellie’s gifts were her expression of Christian love.

Miss Shellie would always give the most unusual gifts.  We all knew her package.  The large cardboard box was the most obvious of all presents.  Inside the box were several smaller gifts. There could be anything inside; one packet of oatmeal, a package of Lance crackers, a single box of matches, to whatever she thought you might need.  There was one incident when a roll of toilet paper was included.  And always, and I mean always, there would be a Danny Dozit pot cleaner.  Miss Shellie’s gift was a gift of love that was well thought out.

Posted in attitude, family, fun, funny, humor, memories, motivation, relationships by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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The Wedding Proposal

I answered my cell phone standing in the checkout line at Lowe’The Wedding Proposals. The voice on the other end was my Caroline. “Momma, where is Daddy?  Where is Holmes?  I need to tell you-all something!”  She was so excited, her words were running together.  I knew instantly what was going on.  “Caroline,” I said. “Are you and Drew engaged?”  I was right on target. It was the wedding proposal.

Thomas and I are thrilled with the news.  Caroline and Drew are wonderful couple and will have a great life together.

The next day, Thomas and I drove to DeBordieu Beach outside of Myrtle Beach and had dinner with Drew’s family.  Caroline and Drew took us to the place of the proposal.  It was terribly romantic;  Drew copied a poem on a piece of paper with burned edges, rolled it up and placed into a clear bottle. It was truly a romantic event.

Posted in family, fun, funny, humor, memories, Uncategorized by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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