Latest "funny" Posts

Get Rid Of Anxiety Once And For All

I will never forget the day I started cleaning out our freezer. To be honest, I kept putting stuff in that chest freezer and closing the lid. The day came when the lid would not shut; it was time to organize and throw away all of the anxiety that was the contents of the freezer…

Digging through the layers of frozen stuff, I kept hearing a song from the Disney movie, “Frozen.” Let it go, let it go …I saw Ziploc bags dated in indelible ink that were older than my college-aged children. I tried to avoid asking Thomas for his help but I became overwhelmed with the task. I dreaded Thomas finding the buried bags of Game he had prepared for the freezer. It was a big assignment since there were so many things I wanted to hold onto but needed to throw away.

Posted in Bury Me With My Pearls, funny by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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How to Write Funny Stuff

       Several years ago, I was asked to write a humor article for our local paper.  I had the task of writing every week for many years.  Sadly, like most local publications, the paper was discontinued.  The good news is that I have profited financially and used those articles for many other purposes:  speeches, blogs, magazine articles, Sirius XM Comedy, Pandora, original parodies and most recently a best-selling book on Amazon.  This humble beginning has helped me write personal development books and also helped me position myself as a funny speaker. So how do you write funny stuff?Several years ago, I was asked to write a humor article for our local paper.  I had the task of writing every week for many years.  Sadly, like most local publications, the paper was discontinued.  The good news is that I have profited financially and used those articles for many other purposes:  speeches, blogs, magazine articles, Sirius XM Comedy, Pandora, original parodies and most recently a best-selling book on Amazon.  This humble beginning has helped me write personal development books and also helped me position myself as a funny speaker. So how do you write funny stuff?

1-Keep a Journal

If you hear something funny or inspirational, write I down.  I have notes on my phone, church bulletin, slips of paper;  you name it.  Don’t hesitate to make notes because you may miss a really great humorous story.

Posted in funny by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Friends Who Make You Snort; Joe Lee

When I say the word, "snort" I am not referring to drugs. I am talking about those deep uncontrollable hysteria. This is why I love to connect with my friends who make me laugh so hard I snort. And one of my favorite laughing buds is Joe Lee. #pearlsbookWhen I say the word, “snort” I am not referring to drugs. I am talking about deep uncontrollable hysteria. This is why I love to connect with  my friends who make me laugh so hard I snort. And one of my favorite laughing buds is Joe Lee.  #pearlsbook

I love the quote; “Friendship is like a violin.  The strings may stop for a moment but the music is still there.” 

One of the delights of writing my book, “Bury Me with My Pearls” was reconnecting with various friends and sharing the news that I wrote a story about them.   Joe Lee’s story is on page 106. It was a funny pageant moment that began with Joe Lee plopping down beside me at the Miss South Carolina Pageant.  I was the reigning queen and had to act “queenly.” As I glanced to see my fellow seat mate, I realized that I was in trouble.  There was no way to act queenly with Joe Lee next to me.

Posted in friends, funny, Uncategorized by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

I Won Miss America’s Boyfriend

“I hope you win.” I said.  “Oh,” said Miss Mississippi, “I’m gonna win. I know this is what our Lord has prepared for me.” It was a moment when I knew I was in the middle of something big.  On the Miss America stage I met Miss Mississippi and she won the title of Miss America; but I won Miss America’s boyfriend.“I hope you win.” I said.  “Oh,” said Miss Mississippi, “I’m gonna win. I know this is what our Lord has prepared for me.” It was a moment when I knew I was in the middle of something big.  On the Miss America stage I met Miss Mississippi and she won the title of Miss America; but I won Miss America’s boyfriend.

Years ago, I met Cheryl Prewitt, Miss America 1980.  Cheryl has always been a wonderful friend and support.  When it came time to write my book, “Bury Me with my Pearls,” I asked Cheryl to write a testimonial. #pearlsbook.  I was so touched by her words:

Posted in funny, Miss America by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Confronting Negativity with Humor and Grace

POstcard-for-book-give-aways..We all have to deal with negative people, situations and unpleasant events.  We have all been affected by dysfunction.  The question is how do we function in dysfunction?  We have a choice;  act like Jerry Springer or C-Span. I choose to confront negativity with humor and grace .  You may even call it Amazing Grace.

A couple of things come to mind as I write this.  Trying times like these can be as confusing as a buzzard trying to eat an armadillo.  I actually saw this the other day.  Call is what you want- “possum on the half shell” but a couple of buzzards were totally confused on how to dine on the creature.  Armadillos are new to our areas so buzzards are learning about these armed critters. Many times we  are often not equipped to handle confusion and stress. We just want to run away but that only sets up the lesson to return and  be learned later.

Posted in funny, mother, motivation, stress, wisdom by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Southern Traditions: No White Shoes after Labor Day

The day after Labor Day is secretly celebrated as finding out who is one of our kind. A true Southern woman only has to glance down and have her curiosity and heritage satisfied. It is a private club with no meetings and only one activity. The dues, however are enormous. It is one of our many Southern traditions; no white shoes after Labor Day.The Sunday after Labor Day, Caroline ran down the stairs on her way to church.  I stared at her feet in disbelief.  “Caroline!” I exclaimed.  “Your shoes! ”  The tone in my voice was as dramatic as if a robber had broken into the house. “Oh, Mama!  I forgot.”  She ran upstairs and reappeared wearing a darker, more appropriate color.  To my relief, the child understood the importance of this unspoken rule.   “Oh.” I reflected.  “I have done a wonderful job raising a true Southerner belle.  She did not protest, fuss or whine…..she protected herself from scandal and preserved our family honor.  It is one of our many Southern traditions;  no white shoes after Labor Day.

The day after Labor Day is secretly celebrated as finding out who is one of our kind.  A true Southern woman only has to glance down and have her curiosity and heritage satisfied. It is a private club with no meetings and only one activity.  The dues, however are enormous.

Posted in attitude, family, fun, funny, laughter, mother, Uncategorized, women by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Life Lessons from the Rat at Disney World

It was truly a magical moment. With days of happy faces, Mickey Mouse treats, and children topped with hats resembling Disney characters, we saw a rat. We were standing in the middle of Epcot's Italy when all of a sudden a rat  made a surprise appearance.  I was reminded of some timeless  life lessons from the rat at Disney World.

It was truly a magical moment. With days of happy faces, Mickey Mouse treats, and children topped with hats resembling Disney characters, we saw a rat. We were standing in the middle of Epcot’s Italy when all of a sudden a rat  made a surprise appearance.  I was reminded of some timeless  life lessons from the rat at Disney World.

We had just left Alice in Wonderland and were approaching Mary Poppins. We were all captivated with memories of our childhood icons.  Thomas must have starred at Mary Poppins for five minutes.  I told him he looked like a stalker.  He said, “I was trying to figure out why she doesn’t sweat.” Even with his left brain thinking, Thomas, like the rest of us, was in a magical mode.

Posted in attitude, change, determination, Disney World, faith, fun, funny, humor, laughter, leadership, life lessons, memories, Mickey Mouse, motivation, relationships, stress by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Beauty Queen Bra Pads and Breast Implants

I learned to laugh at myself after the Miss America when I lost my floating friends swimming in the pool on my Honeymoon! I love those beauty queen pads!Enjoy my attached  funny YouTube video, too!

I guess you are wondering how I made it all the way to The Miss America Pageant. I am not exactly 26-23-36.  But there are these lovely little helpers that can give you the hour glass figure needed to compete. You can fake it at Miss America but not to be confused with Miss USA.  They actually have designated personnel that “check” your swimsuit and evening gown to make sure it is all you.  Most men would pay to have that job. Yes, many have to use beauty queen pads and breast implants.

However, there should be a warning attached to wearing such enhancers.  DO NOT JUMP INTO A SWIMMING POOL OR JUMP OFF A DIVING BOARD WHILE USING.  THIS CAN CAUSE EMBARRASSMENT.  This is first hand info, believe me.

Posted in fun, funny, laughter, memories, Miss America, Miss South Carolina, Uncategorized by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

My Mary Kay Party From Hell

“The best way to beat the Mary Kay blues is to book a party!!!!” These were the words from my Consultant/Sponsor. So I did. Yes, and it was the Mary Kay Party from Hell.

I looked at the address and knew I was traveling to a bad part of town. But still I proceeded. I told the hostess to have the party in a cool room and serve refreshments to the guests.  When I arrived, I knew we were in trouble.  The “party” was in a room filled with every appliance known to man.  It was like being in a sauna.  And those refreshments?  I thought they were chocolate chip cookies until I noticed that the chips had wings.  All I could think of was my Grandmother McElveen repeating the sentence, “Every time a fly lands, it has a baby.”

Posted in attitude, fun, funny, Women's Health by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Billy’s Funeral Home- Miss America Pageant Memories

I trained for pageant competition at Billy's Funeral Home.In the “minor league” pageants there are normally 4 categories on the judges’ ballots: poise, smile, projection, and overall appearance.  It does not take a genius to figure out that poise is smile, projection and overall appearance.  In fact, poise is everything.  I learn how to perfect my beauty queen walk and talk at Billy’s Funeral Home.  Billy helped me walk all the way to the major league of  pageantry,  the Miss America Pageant.

I heard that Billy’s  technique was the best in the South and to perfect took years of practice and discipline.  I heard that he had so many winners he lost count.  His accolades included the likes of “Miss Universe” to “Little Miss Saturday Afternoon at The Mall”.

Posted in America, attitude, beauty queens, fun, funny, humor, memories, Miss America, Miss South Carolina, pageants, Southern by Jane Jenkins Herlong.