Latest "humor" Posts

Yep, She called Me Ugly; A Flip-Flop Faux-Pas

 

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In honor of my new book, “Rhinestones on my Flip-Flops,” I remembered a funny flip-flop story that occurred a few days after I was crowned Miss South Carolina-enjoy!

 

 


I was riding high after being crowned Miss South Carolina on Saturday night. Now it was time to prepare for the Miss America Pageant.

Posted in beauty pageants, beauty queens, humor, Miss South Carolina, sense of humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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How to Drive Your Own Limo

Flip-Flops happen; some are large events and other episodes are flat-out annoying.  In honor of my new book, Rhinestones on My Flip-Flops, that will be released September 2017, I thought I would share a unique flip-flop event that involves a limo with a very nervous driver…enjoy!


Have you ever had a moment when you made a decision to be in the “driver’s seat?”

I am speaking figuratively, of course, but several years ago, I was literally put into this position.

I was speaking in Flint, Michigan and was told that a car service would be picking me up.  I stood on the curb for over an hour and realized that something was wrong.  I was scheduled to speak only hours after landing so needless to say, I was getting concerned.  I called the client, who owned the car service, and he said the driver was on the way.  I could tell he was concerned as well, so I reassured him not to worry.  “I will be there,” I said.  “Whatever it takes.”  Those words would turn out to be very profound.

Posted in humor, Uncategorized by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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A Reminder: It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I tried to suppress my urge to smile during the funeral service for my mother’s dear friend, Helen Smoak. I sat in the beautiful St. Matthews Church in Charleston this past Sunday listening to Helen’s lovely daughter, Heidi, share her heart and humor. “I know who will be the first person to meet my mother at the pearly gates,” said Heidi. I already knew the answer. ”Mom will be greeted by Eleanor Jenkins who will escort her to the heavenly hair-do beauty shop.” My eyes glistened hearing my mother’s name mentioned. What a sweet moment!

Posted in breast cancer, Breast Cancer Awareness, humor, Ta-tas by Jane Jenkins Herlong.

Life Changing Laughter With Your Family

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Several years ago Thomas phoned with a big announcement, “I have a surprise for everybody. I’m driving up now.” The children and I raced outside, filled with laughter, and saw the object that challenged my wedding vows and changed my life forever—a boat. Not just any boat. A blue boat, its glittering paint sparkling in the sunlight. It reminded me of the Mike Benet pageant gown I wore in the Beaufort Water Festival. The children were thrilled. They thought it was beautiful.
Thomas is a man of good taste. Seeing him behind the wheel of that mirage-like, rhinestoned blue sequined boat seemed totally out of character. Thomas is more like Ward Cleaver than Larry the Cable Guy, or so I’d thought. 
Maybe that sparkly boat was his queenly tribute to the fact that he had dated two Miss Americas. “Did you know the boat was this color?” I asked hesitantly.
“Well, I knew the boat was blue, but not this kind of blue,” Thomas replied, not making sense. What frightened me the most was the massive engine attached to the stern. Yes, I said stern. Here lies yet another problem. I know very little about boats. Honestly, the entire thing resembled a piece of blue, rhinestone-encrusted plywood with a space shuttle engine attached to its rear.
To make boating even more interesting, Thomas honors only two speeds: dead still and g-force fast. We were in trouble. 
The boat did well in the lake near our home but taking it to the ocean brought new challenges. Tide changes create banks—big islands of pluff mud and/or oyster shell beds. We knew where practically every bank was located—we hit all of them. I kept an old pair of shoes in the boat because I became the designated “pusher.” You may ask, don’t you have a depth finder? Yes, but by the time it beeps you’re already up the “crick.”
I realized the Blue Beauty Queen is one of those big toys that men love to buy that resulted in even bigger family memories. I have no idea what happened to that sparkly boat but I do know there were times of being stared at, pointed to, and laughed at as we cruised open water and got stuck on banks. The greatest lesson is that we learned to laugh at ourselves; that glittery boat taught us how to sparkle and shine.
Pass this on to someone who needs to be reminded that developing a sense of humor starts with being able to laugh at yourself!
Do you need female motivational speakers at your next event? Maybe an after dinner speech needs to be given to tie your whole evening together. Contact me today at 803.480.1190 and let’s discuss your speaker needs! Find out more about the presentations I offer.

Posted in family, humor, laughter, Southern Humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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The Death of Common Sense

Is common sense dead? Those of us who have common sense understand that common sense is not common at all. You cannot get it from books; I know folks with relatively no formal education that have a PhD in common sense.Why is it that……

On a plastic dry-cleaning bag you read:  THIS IS NOT A TOY.

Liquid Draino’s directions….DO NOT DRINK

We yell at our children to stop yelling…

The host of the Bachelor appears at the Rose Ceremony with one rose left and says, “There is one rose left.”

Or we feel sorry for the contestant on Fear Factor who cries while eating Cow brains with worms.

We listen to President speak at the State of the Union Address and afterwards we are told what he said.

We watch the Super Bowl for the commercials.

The robber who is caught on video stealing pleads innocent.

The peaceful Muslim religion is killing and rioting due to a cartoonist portrayal of Muhammad.  Jesus has been slammed for years.

Posted in attitude, humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Momma’s Pink Hair Pick- Remembering My Mother on Mother’s Day

I was rummaging around the bottom of my purse when I felt a surprised twinge of pain from some metal prongs. It was my mother’s infamous pink hair pick that I thought would be the death of her. Even with her heart in a deadly, life-threatening rhythm, the pink pick had to be found and placed in the inner pocket of her purse before she left for the hospital.In honor of Mother’s Day, I am sharing one of my favorite stories from my book, “Bury Me With My Pearls”.  This award-winning book (SCP Book of the Year)  is on sale and only .99 and a great Mother’s Day gift!   Enjoy this book that is dedicated to my mother, Eleanor McElveen Jenkins.

Momma’s Pink Hair Pick

I was rummaging around the bottom of my purse when I felt a surprised twinge of pain from some metal prongs.  It was my mother’s infamous pink hair pick that I thought would be the death of her. Even with her heart in a deadly, life-threatening rhythm, the pink pick had to be found and placed in the inner pocket of her purse before she left for the hospital.

Momma had very important “Southern Lady” traditions. Every Wednesday at 11 AM was the all-important “hair day.”  The hair appointment was never missed and that pink hair pick was a constant accessory in my mother’s purse.

Posted in humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Mother’s Day Tribute of Encouragement and Humor

Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching and one thing I miss about my mother was her gift of encouragement. After my mother died I have said many times that a mother is the last person who will defend you regardless of the circumstances. I have jokingly said if I called her and told her that I had murdered someone her response would be, “Well, Honey I am sure you had a good reason. Would you like to go to lunch?” My mother was very funny, too. Enjoy this Mother’s Day Tribute story about my mother’s sense of humor and her encouragement from my book,“Bury Me with My Pearls.”

I was the queen and rode on the hood…

Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching and one thing I miss about my mother was her gift of encouragement. After my mother died I have said many times that a mother is the last person who will defend you regardless of your circumstances. I have jokingly said if I called her and told her that I had murdered someone her response would be, “Well, Honey, I am sure you had a good reason. Would you like to go to lunch?” My mother was very funny, too. Enjoy this Mother’s Day Tribute story about my mother’s sense of humor and her encouragement from my book,“Bury Me with My Pearls.”

Posted in encouragement, humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Speaking Engagement … An Evening of Laugher and Tears

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I was the speaker for Covenant Care Services, a Christian adoption agency for middle Georgia.  My dream speaking engagement is sharing my humor and singing with just this type of group.  These women have hearts of gold as they educate young women about adoption. The leadership team led by Former First Lady of Georgia Mary Perdue and former Chair Sandra Neal were amazing.  It touched my heart to be in the presence of great women of God who serve these precious babies, anxious birth moms, and excited adoptive parents. Covenant Care Services provides post-adoption counseling for any birth mom who has chosen to make an adoption plan for her baby as well as post-abortion counseling. It is a wonderful ministry!  Thirty-thousand dollars was raised that evening and the five hundred women who attended were lovely.

I always share some humor at the opening of my speech.

Posted in humor, Speaking engagement, women by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Holidays with the Ho, Ho, Ho’s

funny_turkey_picture-1Having the ability to laugh at yourself is a gift, especially at the Holidays.  God help those who don’t know how.

One of the best gifts we can give ourselves is permission to laugh; especially when you can laugh at yourself.  Even better, allow a good hardy snort every now and again.

A few years ago, I was speaking at an after dinner Holiday  banquet.  The gentleman in charge stood up before my introduction and made this statement:

“Before I introduce our speaker, I would like for all the ho’s to stand. Let’s show our ho’s how much we love them!”

I could not believe my ears. Then he continued. “Is the head ho here?” This nice looking woman stood and just beamed. Suddenly, a friend of mine at the head table got in my face and said with pride, “I was the head ho last year.”

Posted in attitude, humor, living life by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Tough Times; How to Handle Them

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Our Sunday School lesson was about being positive during tough times.  One of members shared a story about how God answered his prayer during his experience at boot camp. He prayed that the Lord would help him through those tough weeks.  It was indeed a miracle when he saw a message from God on this dog-tags.  The message read, “Be Positive.” For weeks he remembered that divine message from above.  At the end of boot camp, he shared his inspiration with his bunk-mate only to discover his bunk-mate’s dog-tag read “O-Negative.”   

BE positive! What a great solution for how to handle tough times!

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Step 1Click here to purchase and review the book.

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Video graphic for Icontact_edited-2Enjoy Jane’s Funny Demo Video.

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Posted in encouragement, humor, tough times by Jane Jenkins Herlong.