Posts tagged "humor"

Yep, She called Me Ugly; A Flip-Flop Faux-Pas

 

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In honor of my new book, “Rhinestones on my Flip-Flops,” I remembered a funny flip-flop story that occurred a few days after I was crowned Miss South Carolina-enjoy!

 

 


I was riding high after being crowned Miss South Carolina on Saturday night. Now it was time to prepare for the Miss America Pageant.

Posted in beauty pageants, beauty queens, humor, Miss South Carolina, sense of humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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And The Winner Is…

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I was new to the world of pageantry. Interview always grabbed my interest until my pageant coach (yes, they exist, especially in the South) asked me the unthinkable. “Jane,” he said. “Who should win this pageant?” My brain and mouth froze. Seeing the look on my face, my coach challenged me and asked, “Why are you here? Do you want to be the winner or not?”

I made the decision to be a winner…at life.

Posted in attitude by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Breast Cancer Saved My Life

While I was speaking at the 50 Shades of Pink event in Castroville, TX, a lovely woman approached me and said, “Breast cancer saved my life.”

Her story is nothing short of a miracle. She found a lump in her breast during a self-check examination. After a doctor’s visit, she was diagnosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. But this is not the end of the story. Her surgeon also found a more serious problem- a life-threatening aneurysm. After her repair surgery and breast cancer treatment, her passion in life is to speak with women on the importance of having regular mammograms and self-check routines. Wow, what a story!

When I speak for women, I always conclude my presentations with my original Healthy Woman Song. Go here for a good laugh and healthy reminder! My book, “What Ta-Tas Teach Us” is also a great reminder of what our female anatomy teaches us.

Posted in motivational speaker, Southern Humor, Speaking engagement, Ta-tas by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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The ‘What To Say’ Struggle

I was riding high after being crowned Miss South Carolina on Saturday night. Now it was time to prepare for the Miss America Pageant.

Sitting in the pageant shop my mind was spinning with thoughts of a myriad of things to check off my list before walking on the stage in Atlantic City. I sat down by an older woman as I waited to meet with the gown designer. “My grand baby is getting a new dress,” said the proud grandmother. “Oh, that is nice.” I replied. “Yes-sire-re, she is gonna be in another beauty pageant. She is the Cucumber Queen and will compete for the title of Miss Fresh Fruit and Vegetable.” (Believe it or not, this is a pageant in the state of South Carolina.) “How nice,” I said. “Yes, it is all we think about! We are so excited,” exclaimed the grandmother.

Posted in Miss South Carolina, perspective, Southern Humor, Southern Humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Get Rid Of Anxiety Once And For All

I will never forget the day I started cleaning out our freezer. To be honest, I kept putting stuff in that chest freezer and closing the lid. The day came when the lid would not shut; it was time to organize and throw away all of the anxiety that was the contents of the freezer…

Digging through the layers of frozen stuff, I kept hearing a song from the Disney movie, “Frozen.” Let it go, let it go …I saw Ziploc bags dated in indelible ink that were older than my college-aged children. I tried to avoid asking Thomas for his help but I became overwhelmed with the task. I dreaded Thomas finding the buried bags of Game he had prepared for the freezer. It was a big assignment since there were so many things I wanted to hold onto but needed to throw away.

Posted in Bury Me With My Pearls, funny by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Life Changing Laughter With Your Family

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Several years ago Thomas phoned with a big announcement, “I have a surprise for everybody. I’m driving up now.” The children and I raced outside, filled with laughter, and saw the object that challenged my wedding vows and changed my life forever—a boat. Not just any boat. A blue boat, its glittering paint sparkling in the sunlight. It reminded me of the Mike Benet pageant gown I wore in the Beaufort Water Festival. The children were thrilled. They thought it was beautiful.
Thomas is a man of good taste. Seeing him behind the wheel of that mirage-like, rhinestoned blue sequined boat seemed totally out of character. Thomas is more like Ward Cleaver than Larry the Cable Guy, or so I’d thought. 
Maybe that sparkly boat was his queenly tribute to the fact that he had dated two Miss Americas. “Did you know the boat was this color?” I asked hesitantly.
“Well, I knew the boat was blue, but not this kind of blue,” Thomas replied, not making sense. What frightened me the most was the massive engine attached to the stern. Yes, I said stern. Here lies yet another problem. I know very little about boats. Honestly, the entire thing resembled a piece of blue, rhinestone-encrusted plywood with a space shuttle engine attached to its rear.
To make boating even more interesting, Thomas honors only two speeds: dead still and g-force fast. We were in trouble. 
The boat did well in the lake near our home but taking it to the ocean brought new challenges. Tide changes create banks—big islands of pluff mud and/or oyster shell beds. We knew where practically every bank was located—we hit all of them. I kept an old pair of shoes in the boat because I became the designated “pusher.” You may ask, don’t you have a depth finder? Yes, but by the time it beeps you’re already up the “crick.”
I realized the Blue Beauty Queen is one of those big toys that men love to buy that resulted in even bigger family memories. I have no idea what happened to that sparkly boat but I do know there were times of being stared at, pointed to, and laughed at as we cruised open water and got stuck on banks. The greatest lesson is that we learned to laugh at ourselves; that glittery boat taught us how to sparkle and shine.
Pass this on to someone who needs to be reminded that developing a sense of humor starts with being able to laugh at yourself!
Do you need female motivational speakers at your next event? Maybe an after dinner speech needs to be given to tie your whole evening together. Contact me today at 803.480.1190 and let’s discuss your speaker needs! Find out more about the presentations I offer.

Posted in family, humor, laughter, Southern Humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Beauty Pageant World … Humor in the ER

Miss Sc png“Just when you think the worst is over…” I told my audience at Ashley River Baptist Church concerning my last 24-hours of stress. I tried to make the events sound funny and stress what a great job I did handling issues. Little did I know that the events to come in “pageant world” would make the last 24 hours seem “blah” … proving once again that life is all about your attitude.

I was on my way to celebrate pageant week.  All of us queens from yester-year gussied up for a blast from the past if even for a few seconds of walking and waving on the stage.  Reminds me of this plaque someone gave me that makes me laugh:

“We can’t all be the queen.  Some of you have to sit on the curb and wave as I go by.”

Posted in beauty pageants, Miss South Carolina, pageants by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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The Death of Common Sense

Is common sense dead? Those of us who have common sense understand that common sense is not common at all. You cannot get it from books; I know folks with relatively no formal education that have a PhD in common sense.Why is it that……

On a plastic dry-cleaning bag you read:  THIS IS NOT A TOY.

Liquid Draino’s directions….DO NOT DRINK

We yell at our children to stop yelling…

The host of the Bachelor appears at the Rose Ceremony with one rose left and says, “There is one rose left.”

Or we feel sorry for the contestant on Fear Factor who cries while eating Cow brains with worms.

We listen to President speak at the State of the Union Address and afterwards we are told what he said.

We watch the Super Bowl for the commercials.

The robber who is caught on video stealing pleads innocent.

The peaceful Muslim religion is killing and rioting due to a cartoonist portrayal of Muhammad.  Jesus has been slammed for years.

Posted in attitude, humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Your Mother is Always With You

Best Pearls Friend copy

 

Since Mother’s Day is upon us, I wrote this short poem to honor mothers everywhere, and in particular my mother. I miss her every day – her love for me, her laughter and her sense of humor.

Your mother is always with you…she’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she is the smell of beach in your fresh laundered socks;

she’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not well. Your mother lives inside your laughter and she’s crystallized in every tear drop.

She’s the place you come from, your first home and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love and your first heartbreak.

And nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…not death.

Share this poem with special friends who need encouragement today.

Posted in encouragement, inspiration by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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Momma’s Pink Hair Pick- Remembering My Mother on Mother’s Day

I was rummaging around the bottom of my purse when I felt a surprised twinge of pain from some metal prongs. It was my mother’s infamous pink hair pick that I thought would be the death of her. Even with her heart in a deadly, life-threatening rhythm, the pink pick had to be found and placed in the inner pocket of her purse before she left for the hospital.In honor of Mother’s Day, I am sharing one of my favorite stories from my book, “Bury Me With My Pearls”.  This award-winning book (SCP Book of the Year)  is on sale and only .99 and a great Mother’s Day gift!   Enjoy this book that is dedicated to my mother, Eleanor McElveen Jenkins.

Momma’s Pink Hair Pick

I was rummaging around the bottom of my purse when I felt a surprised twinge of pain from some metal prongs.  It was my mother’s infamous pink hair pick that I thought would be the death of her. Even with her heart in a deadly, life-threatening rhythm, the pink pick had to be found and placed in the inner pocket of her purse before she left for the hospital.

Momma had very important “Southern Lady” traditions. Every Wednesday at 11 AM was the all-important “hair day.”  The hair appointment was never missed and that pink hair pick was a constant accessory in my mother’s purse.

Posted in humor by Jane Jenkins Herlong.
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